Hello and hi on a Monday.
Just popping in for a quick weekly ramble, inspired by this article from After Babel, the Substack of author and social psychologist Jon Haidt.
I’ve been thinking for some months about Haidt’s book ‘The Anxious Generation,’ in which he points to the exponential uptick of smartphone and social media usage as core contributing factors in youth mental health deterioration.
Two threads are both essential for understanding why teen mental health collapsed in the 2010s. In brief, it’s the transition from a play-based childhood involving a lot of risky unsupervised play, which is essential for overcoming fear and fragility, to a phone-based childhood which blocks normal human development by taking time away from sleep, play, and in-person socializing, as well as causing addiction and drowning kids in social comparisons they can’t win.
Interestingly, Instagram also very recently announced that they will be increasing controls for minors. This seems like a bit of a last ditch effort to appear proactive under scrutiny- social media platforms are still failing to protect younger users by a long shot.
And yes the stats make for a pretty terrifying read. According to the CDC data cited by Haidt;
Most teen girls (57%) now say that they experience persistent sadness or hopelessness (up from 36% in 2011), and 30% of teen girls now say that they have seriously considered suicide (up from 19% in 2011). Boys are doing badly too, but their rates of depression and anxiety are not as high, and their increases since 2011 are smaller.
This is a topic well documented in substack essays and Haidt has regularly been the subject of podcast interviews, articles etc. But we actually should be talking about it consistently. Not only the relevance of the book and similar publications, but the other problematic results of phone addiction. Potentially one of the stickiest issues is that social media has a filtering, AI powered ability to distort something as basic as self-image. As Haidt infers- and for Gen-Z or ‘zoomers’ most acutely, it has the capacity to warp our fundamental sense of who we are.
There are many well documented negatives to the impact of social platforms across the board, which I won’t go into, but children and teenagers are of course vastly more vulnerable. Something else which seems obvious is that growing up really is tricky enough already- navigating educational or family pressures, societal norms, hormones, all of it. In the midst of this, something that’s been rising up the ranks of IG and tik-tok terminology is the concept of a so called authentic self. The premise being that we have yet another level of abject self-absorption to aim for. And like many others I’ve become increasingly irked by the word authentic in this context. It’s mostly just more insidious marketing speak that young people could do without. No wonder the wellbeing statistics are terrible- the overarching implication is that you don’t know yourself, so best figure it out by letting the online advertising world dictate that for you.
In the context of wellness influencers and online therapy culture, what this seems to imply is that there exists a more real version of self. One you probably haven’t actualised yet. This version of self is obviously primarily accessible via the path of active consumerism, more content or online quizzes. You are tasked with reaching your ‘true’ way of being, and at the end of this rainbow of course is finally discovering your ultimate life purpose (yes no pressure but you have one- take an AI questionnaire like this and find out). Marketing campaigns are targeting this concept enthusiastically- if you can make people believe they have no idea who they are, they’re easier to sell to. Thus the notion of being ‘authentic’ now seems to ironically evoke the opposite in many cases. It’s a sort of adjusted, superficial self- the kind of on demand, camera ready ‘vulnerability’ offered up by influencers.
Add to this that the kind of authenticity acted out on social media is what might be considered by some to be an overshare. I wondered if my view on it is thanks to the fact I’m a a bit of a dusty Millenial and shockingly don’t have Tik-Tok either. But there does seem to be a growing sense of objectivity and discernment around these kind of online personal disclosures. Sobbing into the camera or chat about medical prescriptions (yes it’s been a trend), are par the course. Everyone seems to be talking about their trauma or anxiety. Which depending on your persuasion, could be seen as rather private sentiments to be presented so publicly. Everything is pretty fair game for posting.
Privacy is now a wildly underrated concept. It is ok to not say very personal things to an online audience with hopes of boosting engagement. At best it might attract some schadenfreude, or some likes. Is that authentic or is it the opposite- vapid and performative? Without doubt in certain cases, relating to someone else’s story can be supportive, but there’s also a more staged kind of sharing which can only serve to create further stress, or unhelpful comparison.
Naturally enough this is the stuff marketing dreams are made of. Let’s all gather round and see someone speak about their mental health, weight struggles, relationship woes etc, and see how long it takes before the message starts catching. Influencers are paid to sell solutions too, lest we forget- solutions to said problems are just within reach! Buy this quick fix, slap a label the issue, and find a remedy through simply purchasing more stuff. As Terry Nyugen mentions in her Substack Vague Blue;
Everything in content is commodity. Platforms are setting aside "creator funds" to incentivize users to post with the promise of monetization. Soon, there will be little point in posting for free when you can profit from platforms, other users, or brands — if not all of the above. To be a person on the internet (anonymous, semi-anonymous, or fully known) is to succumb to the workings of the attention economy, originally dictated through the social currency of likes, follows, shares, and comments. Now, money has been thrown explicitly into the equation.
The idea is that these kinds of shares are not only to be reserved for people close to you or those you trust, and therefore are valid enough to be on display for the many random people of the internet. They are a potentially monetisible entity. I understand that some do find the candour and attention seeking posts helpful. However context is key. Balance is important. We don’t certainly don’t want the pendulum to swing back to sweeping everything under the proverbial rug, but there is is a level of propriety about who we share with which seems to have gone missing en route. Freya India speaks about the issue with this type of authenticity on her well known Substack GIRLS. Troublesome examples of the ‘authentic self’ concept are plentiful. If girls, in particular are listening to this kind of rhetoric, then it’s entirely normal for them to become very confused in the process.
Everywhere I look it seems like someone is selling me my authentic self. Through cosmetic surgeries, through therapy, after downloading this app, I can discover who I really am. It’s reached the point where I feel like that’s what being young is now. Coming of age isn’t about fulfilling duties or responsibilities or milestones, it’s a search for one thing: finding your true self. Or, more accurately, buying it.
So where can we actually look to inform a sense of self-confidence? Depending on your view, a lot can be distilled down to values or real experiences- the kind which build resilience and (offline) memories. Commitment (scary word) to work for things which provide long term rewards can also offer more sustainable forms of achievement. Psychology does indeed also indicate that we can build a sense of accomplishment through doing our best and yes, that a bit of self-discipline (not the punishing kind) can lead us to better outcomes. Flitting from one dopamine hit to the next, living in the fear that things could go wrong so why even try, can contribute to a lack of meaning. Gen-Z are now flagged up as the ‘Anxious Generation’ as mentioned, which as Haidt says has been due to growing up cosseted, with more phone usage and less outdoor playtime.
But ultimately Gen-Z are just a part of the equation. We all have access to an abundance of tech these days, so we must choose our vices wisely. If we want to find the ‘authentic self’ then we can also look to character, what we love to do and have done since we were kids, what habits we engage with daily and what we genuinely value. If there are aspects that need some polishing up, we can actively engage in developing our understanding, behaviours, interactions and patterning- in short to develop. There are resources to assist with this- naturally, but the best barometer is probably just observing your own natural inclinations- taste, activities, things you like and those you don’t. We know these things already- we don’t always require the labels.
The kind of categorisation and outsourcing available in online therapy culture can very often work against this. As can self-obsessed navel gazing. If we become fixated on identity- especially the online kind- then we lose track of what really matters.
Teens becoming more risk averse indeed has a lot to do with this. I am a huge proponent of self-enquiry and like many things, there is of course much truth and good intention in the kind of self-help content prevalent on Youtube or IG. But picking up/listening to a book, or even engaging with a trained psychologist, is profoundly more effective than falling down a tik-tok rabbit hole. If internet algorithms successfully pick up on a person’s insecurities, it will feed them with information that in turn can exacerbate the issue. The wellness industry is partly built on this premise. Much of it has positive intent as mentioned, but we of course need to be discerning about what information we take as fact. It’s like young men getting life advice from Andrew Tate or girls from Alexandra Cooper. There’s a bandwagon feel to it which can be nothing short of damaging.
In turn, people start diagnosing themselves and others in ways which can be worrying and often perpetuate negative patterning. Is your authentic self underneath all the labelling? Absolutely agreed, that childhood and parenting styles, for example, can predict certain attachment behaviours later in life. That’s a tried and tested psychological theory. But there is also nuance. Rather than fixating on an attachment style or whether someone is a narcissist, listen to your gut in interactions and observe any of your own persistent issues with a professional. Or you could choose to actually sit with your feelings for a moment and listen in for the truth. Emotions do need to be processed and released- stuffing them down doesn’t work in the long run. But doing this in a safe environment, rather than with an online audience, is likely best for posterity. And ideally not one available via teletherapy- which by the way, may or may not then be compromising your data for marketing purposes.
There needs to be honesty about what we actually want- if deep down it’s genuine connection and loyalty, then perhaps Freya India makes a point- move on from the so called situationship and go for something genuine. It’s possible. Fear is hugely pervasive in modern dating culture thanks at least partially to the perpetuation of all this self-obsession. Not to mention the proliferation of optionality on dating apps. Easier to live in the moment and keeping reaching for the illusion of the next best thing, or avoid having kids, in case something bad happens. Everyone’s choices are of course different and their own. It’s not a one size fits all by any stretch. But glamorising being a Dink (Dual Income No Kids) or shopping for the perfect partner to compliment your social media, starts to feel vacuous. Building things of lasting value in career and relationships of all kinds, can actually be (wow!) fulfilling. Change is a constant in life, but let’s not be afraid of core human needs for community, meaning and intimacy. Isn’t that ultimately more authentic?
Living life more offline, away from the notions of self being purported by social media and advertising, is a fast track to better experiences. The way to really ‘know thyself’ is probably not available on tik-tok or even your phone. Tune out the noise, use your intuition and get involved in meaningful pursuits or relationships in the 3D world. More to come on that.
But for now many thanks for supporting my musings and I recommend giving Jon Haidt’s enlightening book a peruse.
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